My alarm went off at 6:00 this morning. I hit the snooze and then laid there for a split second before realizing that I didn't hear Christian up and getting ready. I hopped out of bed and proceeded to be the mom alarm that I promised I wouldn't be this semester. Downstairs, I met with Gabe who was already practicing guitar and started making Christian's lunch. I sent Christian off with signed disclosure forms and checks for "extras" in several classes and then focused on Gabe. Breakfast, scriptures, hair,teeth, lunch, bed, sign that last form, listen to him proudly recite his phone number in French and remind him about his lesson right after school. As the door shut behind him I turned my attention to my now soggy cereal, pulled my book a little closer and giddily prepared to have a few minutes of solitude. My quiet and my enthusiasm was shattered as Jordan came downstairs and on his way out the door asked,

"What do you do all day?"
To which I promptly responded, "?"
"Maybe you should get a job," he said as he closed the door.

Okay. Is it just me or are "them's fighting words?!"
Of course as soon as he drove away I thought of about 20 really good comebacks. "What do I do all day?!" "How 'bout make your life easier??" So.. maybe not really good comebacks but anything would have been better than my blank stare and dropped jaw.
But, the moment was gone and I was left to think upon (or stew over) his question all day.

Allllll day...as I loaded the breakfast dishes, tried to exercise, put away storage bags the girls left unused in their packing frenzy the day before, returned Christian's shorts to Old Navy, picked up Jordan's jacket from the dry cleaner, vacuumed out the car and made pesto from the basil in my garden. Then the boys got home and the real fun began. (No..of course I don't feel like I need to justify...)

I wondered what it was that really pricked that defensive nerve. Was it that I really didn't feel as though what I did all day was valuable or was it that I was upset that Jordan couldn't seem to see-let alone appreciate- what I did all day or was it...that somewhere in my psyche I believed that if you had a job and and actually ENJOYED it then you were somehow cheating? That for me to count this as time well spent then I would have to spend at least a portion of the hours in my day feeling somewhat miserable in order for my job, my life, to be considered meaningful? Because here's my secret...I love being home. I enjoy it. I would rather be home than on vacation (though I realize the value in those). And maybe, just maybe, I feel a little bit guilty about it. The truth is..I like hanging out with my kids. I like that I can be here if and when they bring friends home for lunch. I like that I had the flexibility to head down south to move my girls in on Tuesday. I like that I can help Christian come up with a way to ask a girl to homecoming or watch (spy) him interact with a cute girl out on the tramp. I like being around if anyone needs homework help, to be able to have my nieces or nephews over, to host a wedding, to chat with my brother while he does his laundry, to make bread, or pancakes or spend time discussing classes or boys or anxieties or trials. Let's be honest, though. Just because you enjoy doing something doesn't mean that it is always fun or easy. My head is usually swimming with thoughts or concerns about each of my kids and my husband. But I always come back to the same place....I enjoy what I do. I love being a mom,wife,sister,daughter,niece and friend. And I love that I get to focus on those roles from home. Deep down I know. This is where I should be. This is where I want to be. And my overwhelming gratitude goes out to my husband-that very same antagonist- who has made it possible.