Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Coming out of the shadows

Jordan travels for work. A lot. Of the last three weeks he has been home 3 days. We miss him but we don't, if you know what I mean.  It's been such a part of the routine for so long now that we more easily step in and out of sync with his absence or his presence. Please don't mistake that for not caring. I would much rather have him here than gone. I am more relaxed with my husband home. It's so nice to have someone to sit with at Gabe's games or to spend a weekend night out together or to have someone to cook for that seems to appreciate the gesture, or someone that helps with dishes (I'm giving you that one, honey). I miss our pillow talk, him driving Gabe to school in the mornings, his sweet, random texts and his physical presence. Occasionally, I will catch a glimpse of a couple driving together in the car. The comfort of each other apparent in their animated conversation or their casual silence. And in those moments I miss him terribly. 

But most days my focus is my role as a mother-single as that might be. And most days, I feel like I have all the bases covered. Lately though...not so much. Current events have humbled me and shaken my confidence. I have been flailing, looking for support. Then here,out of the shadows, has stepped my husband- in a way...a role...a setting... that I could not have duplicated. Humbly I acknowledge this family's need for the presence of a husband and a father. Parenting is a joint venture for a reason. I refuse to be so glib as to think I don't need him. Neither of us are as good alone as we are together. And I'm so grateful that I have a great partner to do "together" with.  It's not ideal, but we're going to have to find a way to make "together" work no matter where he is on the globe. 

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