I miss him every day

Do you know what..? People are amazing. For all of my years, I have wondered what the appropriate thing to do or say in this situation would be. How do you offer comfort and love and support to someone who has experienced such sadness and loss in their life? Would they rather just be left alone? And if I do approach them...what do I say? What if I say the wrong thing?

I am here to tell you that something is better than nothing. Although asking me how I am will probably result in a lie- a hug and acknowledgment in any form-be it a card or the miriad of food and treats or an "I'm thinking about you" or the beautiful flowers that have brightened our home or even a simple text- my family and I have felt a surprising amount of strength and comfort from even the smallest efforts. I am awed and grateful beyond words for the goodness and love of people. Truly, my cup runneth over.

The strength we have felt from the prayers of friends and family in our behalf has been obvious. I firmly believe that it is the lifting power of those prayers that has allowed us to enjoy sweet, tender experiences with each other and with dad in preparing for the funeral. I know that doesn't last forever. People get back to their daily lives and rountines and move on-as they should. We are expected to do the same. The comfort and strength that I felt before is definitely not constant anymore. It ebbs and flows now leaving me with more and more moments where I feel raw and exposed and just plain sad.

In those moments, I go back and re-read some of your inspired words. Many were writen to mom that she then shared.

Dad was a great thinker and an amazing writer. He would appreciate the beauty of these written thoughts. I want to share a few...perhaps there is comfort here available for others as well.

Those memories together in the hospital are precious moments that have impacted my life forever. Hearing the news that your dear husband had passed away was honestly one of the greatest moments of loss I have ever experienced. I could only imagine how heartbreaking this news was for you. My heart went out to you; it broke with yours. How helpless we feel at those moments; how acutely aware we become of the fragility of life. I was reminded of the beauty of the plan of salvation as the doctor expressed his testimony that, “God has a plan for us.” He does have a plan for us. And that gave me comfort. While I was caught away in the grief of the moment, I rejoiced that he truly had only been “transferred” to his next area—his next assignment—received “into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where [he] shall rest from all [his] troubles and from all care, and sorrow” (Alma 40:12). (from one of the elders mom had called for help)

Your father died too young—at least as earth lives go. But, we know he died in the Lord, while doing what he was called to do. And, in the Lord’s concept of time and eternity, his passing was right on time…right on time for the next calling…right on time for his next lesson...right on time for the lessons we have yet to learn.

I'm sure there is purpose and meaning in what happened, whether known or not. Regardless, Doug's passing has a bitterness for you and all of us that will not easily subside. Although there is comfort and balm available in the atonement of our Saviour there is a natural and God-intended hardship and sorrow that each must pass through to one degree or other. I don't mean to dwell on the obvious, but I do want each of you to know of our prayers on your behalf and our desires to stay in better contact with you all. It is times like these that the true value of family and our ties that bind us together in eternal ways becomes more apparent as the more petty distractions of life are stripped away.

These next days will be busy and unrelenting in their requirements, but in a short period of time you will begin to feel the quiet peace that the Lord promises. It does not take away all the pain, but it does help us to accept in our souls that God is merciful and kind. He understands this part of the plan of salvation quite well and has made sufficient provision to comfort those who have faith in Him.

Family on Mom's side:

There are no words that can adequately express the pain and grief we feel at the passing of a loved one. For those we truly love, we tend to hold on to that pain and extend that grief sometimes longer than we know we should. We do so because that pain, in some therapeutic way, helps us feel and remain closer to the one who has passed. We fear that to let go of the pain would be tantamount to betrayal of that one we wish were still here. And, while we believe with all our heart in the continued life we’ve been taught, there are still questions unanswered. It is at this time that we are forced to exercise our greatest faith. What a blessing it is to have the teachings and knowledge of the Gospel in

our lives.

Family on dad's side:

Good timber does not grow with ease,

the stroger the wind, the stronger the trees;

The further the sky, the greater the length;

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold and rain and snow,

in trees and men, good timbers grow.

Your dad was such a man!

*thank you to Brandt and Emma and Nicole for all of the photos*