Mountain of a Man

Ivan Radman 

March 22, 1928-March 14, 2009

view obituary here

This coming Saturday will mark two weeks since the death of Jordan's dad, my father-in-law and my kid's "Pa." As death and funerals and a life lived have the tendency to do, I have found myself in a state of near constant reflection and introspection. This man was a huge presence in the lives of his family, his community, his missionaries, and his business associates. As Peter (Jordan's oldest brother) said, there was no insignificant contact. Everyone who met him remembered him. For good or bad, an encounter with Ivan, however insignificant or grand, was never to be forgotten. I have asked myself many times what it was that made those encounters so remarkable. And though my pool of memories is shallow in comparison to the vast ocean of the memories of my husband and his family, those memories include feeling as though he truly enjoyed my company. Jordan and I have been married for 20 years. Due to my own insecurities I spent many of those years questioning my value and worth in the eyes of my in-laws..with the exception of Ivan. I always knew where I stood. I always understood the expectation. And I always felt his genuine appreciation for any effort that I made. 

So now I wonder....did I make enough of an effort?  

The love that I feel for this family astounds me. But my fear in expressing and showing that love astounds me even more. Am I humble enough to accept the lessons this experience is trying to teach me and courageous enough to put them into practice? 

What will my legacy include? Although my encounters are minimal in comparison to the vast number of lives that Ivan has touched, I would love it if those that I do have the privilege of meeting might be able to know-really know-that I enjoyed their company.

photos by Sara Smylie. See more here and read more here.